what is misgendering and how can i avoid doing it?
written by a transmasc demiboy
misgendering is a common form of transphobia. to misgender means to call someone by the wrong pronoun or gendered word. only trans people (enbies are included) can be misgendered. cis people can be called by the wrong gendered word but that is not misgendering. the reason for this is because misgendering is a form of transphobia and cis people do not face transphobia. just like a straight person doesn't experience homophobia and a white person doesn't experience racism
reminder: misgendering is still misgendering whether it was accidental or not!
an example of misgendering;
if you were to call a nonbinary person by the wrong pronouns, or with a gendered term like "boy" or "girl". that would be misgendering (unless the person you're talking to allows those terms)
"so how can i avoid misgendering someone?"
here are some things you can do!
use they/them pronouns when you dont know which pronouns the person you're talking/referring to usesask which terms they are comfortable with! some people may not be comfortable with certain gendered terms no matter their pronouns. its always best to checkif they use she/they or he/they, ask which pronouns they prefer. until you know, use they/themdon't use gendered terms until you know what they're comfortable with
"i just misgendered someone by accident, i feel guilty, what should i do?"
here's a few things you can do if you misgendered someone :)
own up to your mistakes! realise that you did something wrongapologise! you probably made that trans person quite upset so it's best if you apologisedon't play the victim! you misgendered them, it's your fault, nobody elses.don't blame the victim! it wasnt the victims fault. it was yours and you should take responsibilitydon't act defensive! there's no need to get angry at anyone trying to correct youdon't be rude, the fact that you misgendered someone is not an inconvenience for you, it's an inconvenience for them
there are many types of pronouns. but here are some common ones/combinations and how to use them!
he/him. these pronouns are usually used by masc aligned people, but not always by boys.
she/her. these pronouns are usually used by fem aligned people, but not always by girls
they/them. these pronouns are gender neutral. they're usually used by non binary people. these pronouns are also often used when we dont know someones gender or pronouns
she/they. these pronouns are often used by fem aligned non binary people. when using these pronouns, some people will prefer you to interchange them, others may only want certain people to use a certain pronoun. it's best to check with the person
he/they. these pronouns are often used by masc aligned non binary people. when using these pronouns, some people will prefer you to interchange them, others may only want certain people to use a certain pronoun. it's best to check with the person
he/she/they. these pronouns are often used by non binary people. when using these pronouns, some people will prefer you to interchange them, others may only want certain people to use a certain pronoun. it's best to check with the person
note: some people may put their preferred pronoun first (when they use she/they or he/they), however i dont think this is always the case so it's best to ask the person
also, someone's pronouns are not preffered. they are mandatory. a preferred pronoun would be when someone uses a combination of 2 or more pronouns and askes you to use a certain one.
i hope this helped you understand the concept of misgendering
if you have any questions, feel free to dm me on twitter